I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he was CRYING into my vagina
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
