he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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