Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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