Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
