I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
