Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
