Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
