I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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