you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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