The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm both gender and math confused
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
