The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
