I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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