I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize