so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
