Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I want to have your abortion
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
