I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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