I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
