I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
This house was built for laser tag.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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