Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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