I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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