i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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