Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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