I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
