god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize