She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
