He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
