I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
