i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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