Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize