I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
you made out with another girl for some wings
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
