I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
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