proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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