Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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