So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
