mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
