There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Last time i carry you out of a forest
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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