I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
