How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
