sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I think a kid would responsible me up
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
