my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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