im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
