tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
just tell him i said nine months
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
