Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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