Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
