she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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