Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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