Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
