Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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