my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
