I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
