My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
