i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
