dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
