why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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