He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
