i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize