i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
