so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
A bitchslap is in order.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
