I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
