I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
