Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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