the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
