i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
