not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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