I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Come see our sink grown plant.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
