apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
