I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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