Sry I called you an 8
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
