So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
