Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
